Consistency

You struggle with it and you struggle without it. Part of you craves it and part of you loathes it.
With bounds of energy you vow to do it more:
You vow to commit to consistency.
And you do, for a time. It feels great to be consistent; you really feel like some one: switched on and powerful.
But after a while it becomes a “should” that you could really do without.
Energy dips, motivation fades, life gets hectic and this week-in-week-out thing, starts to make you feel like crap:
You stop being consistent.
Society tells you that being consistent (regular and unchanging in performance) is the key to success.
So naturally you feel like a loser, because once again consistency get the better of you.
“Fuck you consistency. I’m obviously not cut out for you.”
Heavy, despondent and now with more ammunition to fire at your “I’m not good enough” self… you find comfort in a bottle of wine and tell yourself stories of how you’re just not good enough and that something must be wrong with you.
You feel so unworthy.
You hang your head and give in to the belief that you’re simply not destined to be happy or successful.
You feel so dark, almost as if the sun will never shine again. Hopeless and defeated.
Consistency is hard and consistency is demanding, and some days you don’t have the strength or determination to live up to consistency’s requirements.
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Sometimes I think consistency was made up just to make us humans feel like crap and keep us small. And you can see why; busy life makes consistency a struggle.
Being a cyclic woman makes consistency near on impossible. The ebbs and flows of life mean consistency (being regular and unchanging in performance) is utterly out of reach!
{I mean, is it even possible for any human be 100% consistent?!!}
I used to believe that consistency meant doing the same thing over and over again; especially when it came to my spiritual practice.
But when I found it challenging to commit to a consistent daily spiritual practice (regular and unchanging) I really struggled; I like variety, my cyclic nature meant I didn’t always want to show up in the exact same way everyday – somedays I could meditate for an hour, others I just wanted to sit and cry!
This meant every few days I would feel like an utter failure because I wasn’t able to commit to doing the same thing (whatever that particular thing was at the time) consistently. For YEARS I let my beliefs around what being consistent meant as ammunition to throw at myself and chip away at my self-confidence and self-worth. 
It wasn’t just my spiritual practice, it was my exercise regime, yoga practice, following a healthy diet, work, communicating with friends, washing my bed sheets each week, mowing my lawn, my saving habits, even walking my dogs.
I wasn’t able to be 100% consistent and that, to my human mind, meant there was something fundamentally wrong with me and that I just wasn’t good enough for this world.
 
So what if we could re-write what consistency means to us, so that we could have a better relationship with it?
Looking back I feel sad that this was my perspective. I can’t believe the amount of self-recrimination I put myself through.
This year I was urged to re-evaluate my relationships and my beliefs which were affecting my self-worth. Consistency was one of the big players; it showed up in my health, my finances, my business and my spiritual beliefs.
I was urged to change my beliefs around what consistency meant TO ME, I was urged to let myself off the hook  – with oodles of compassionate self-forgiveness.
Consistency now means showing up daily for myself, my family and my business in ways which feel good.
On one day it might mean taking a bath and saying a prayer, on others it means dedicating a full hour to journalling and breath work. Some days its going to dance class and other days its watching an uplifting movie or going for a walk in the woods.
I’ve learned that consistently showing up for myself, in ever changing forms, is where the real magic of consistency lies.
It doesn’t mean punishing or pushing myself to do things I don’t want to do.
It means tuning in and listening to my body, my intuition and my soul for what truly it needs today. 
I’ve learned that I can consistently show up for myself with ease and I that if I let myself off the hook and stopped trying to live up to outdated beliefs and  other peoples standards, I could be free and happier than I ever imagined possible. 
I have been sharing my daily practice on my Instagram and my Facebook stories, to illustrate how I’m showing up for myself consistently – I’m a typical gemini who loves variety and loves to mix it up – as you will see if you head over there 🙂
I invite you to reflect on what your relationship with consistency is like? What outdated beliefs are you running which are causing pain or discomfort? Spend some time with your discomfort and see if you find any hidden gems…

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