The Imperfect Parent

You read endless parenting blogs and have done since before your child entered the world,
You do your research, you get prepared, you create epic half term Pintrest boards,
But you still shriek and shout and lose your shit,
(Frequently)

You switch from missing them deeply when they’re at school,
To wishing half terms weren’t quite so long…

You never realised you were quite so good at arguing and bickering with a 6 year old.

You let the regrets of a bad day and thoughts like: “I’m a shit parent” consume you,
I should be a better parent,
I should be nicer,
I should be doing more,
I should be calmer and enjoying my time with my kids…

You feel wracked with guilt,
For the PJ days,
For the half hearted days out,
For the arguments,
For your short temper,
For allowing them to get under your skin,
Far more than you’d like.

But you still get a lump in your throat when you watch your child sleeping each night,
Your heart melts and a smile spreads across your face,

You marvel at your child’s innocence and beauty,
Tears drop down your face as their breath rises and falls,

And you watch the magic being before you,
Your magic child,
Shine in the darkness.

It wasn’t meant to be this way…
I just want to be good at this…

Hopeless, but full of love, you promise to make tomorrow a new day.

~~

You are a gorgeous and courageous human parent to a human little person (or people).

It ins’t easy, and you know why it isn’t easy? Because both you and your children are human – with human feelings and emotions, human thoughts and human actions.

We set incredibly high standards for ourselves and “perfection” seems to be the only option.

But they chose you. They chose to be here with you, at this time.
You can’t do this wrong.
You’re trying your best, with what you’ve got,
Courageous, determined and full of love
You’re a human mumma and nothing is ever going to be perfect.
That’s it.

I’m not sure wether its the lack of structure or routine, or that we each have very different ideas about what half term means in our house, but the first fews days are always gruelling, uncomfortable and there’s a lot of friction.

I self-recriminate, beat my self up and let these thoughts and feelings drag me down.

But again and again I have to remind myself to drop the expectations, step away from the Facebook scrolling and the comparison that comes with it and just BE.

I have to remind myself to stop, slow down and remember to take things easy. Nothing is perfect. NO one is perfect.

Every single argument, frustration and smile is preparing us for something.

Human life and human relationships are imperfectly bumpy and lumpy (just like a rollercoaster), they chuck you about and you end up being bruised and battered, exhilarated and exhausted.

And I’m not sure I’d want it any other way.

K x

Would you like to gather in circle with me?

A space and a yearning has been growing in me to bring together women, just like me, just like YOU.

I’m excited to announce that I am holding 3 special sessions in starting in 2019.

My reason for creating this sessions was born out of my own experiences and pain of:

~ feeling like I wasn’t good enough
~ feeling like I didn’t belong anywhere
~ I really craved connection, but I didn’t know where to find it – I didn’t know it was inside of myself – and I certainly didn’t know how to find it.

It’s been a long time coming but now I’m ready to open up and create that safe container for ladies, just like me, to gather together and learn about connection, to themselves and to their well-being and hopefully one another.

If you would like to learn more about this amazing opportunity to be held in-person in my local area (Dinnington, South Yorkshire, not far off the M1 J31) please email me at kathrynpearsoneft@gmail.com

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