What will they think?
Do you spend endless hours worrying and obsessing over what people will think of you?
Everything is going great, you’re excited about something new happening, you’re looking forward to the future, you get a new outfit, you realise you fancy someone; then BAM, your stomach sinks and you remember, them.
That person; who judges you, has something to say about every. single. thing. you do, say, wear, eat, drink…
Sometimes they don’t even say anything – you know they’re judging you, you can pick up on their thoughts, you know they’re laughing about you behind your back.
“What will they think? What will they say?” And more importantly who will they say it to and in front of?
Learning to ignore what people think of you feels like a never ending struggle.
I spent a huge amount of time worrying about what people thought of me and I limited my life, so that I could avoid embarrassment, judgements and ridicule.
So here are some tips to help you care less about what other people think and deal with the crap that comes with it…
1. It’s not your job to know what every single person thinks.
Hands down the best advice I have ever been given is: “It’s none of your business what other people think of you, its only your own opinion of yourself that matters.”
And this could not be more right.
Who cares what Debbie from Maths thinks of you? Whatever you think she thinks, its probably wrong. Nobody truly knows what another person is thinking – you can’t control it anyway – so stop letting it control you.
- Next time you catch yourself wondering what someone thinks of you say to yourself “It is none of my business what they think of me, I am amazing and that’s all that matters!” (or something similar if ‘amazing’ is a bit cringe – but you are!)
NB: If someone openly judges or criticises you, then know this – when people judge you, they are usually judging something they dislike about themselves.
So what they dislike about you – they dislike about themselves. It is so easy to outwardly project a judgement onto someone else. Its not about you, its about them.
2. When people are just mean – piss taking and ‘banter’.
Oh the joyous work of ‘BANTER’. People seem to think that if they label bullying as “banter” then it’s ok. It’s not.
When people actively take part in banter, bullying, piss taking etc it usually means one of two things:
1. Firstly – They want your attention; whether it’s because they fancy you or they simply want a reaction out of you.
Communicating with members of the opposite/same sex is scary shit.
If only they knew the way to your heart was kindness.
Most adolescents are insecure, they play up to the crowd and try to hide their feelings from their mates.
If they are that annoying – just have a word with them, tell someone, don’t speak to them, ignore them, break away from the group, don’t put up with it and don’t take what they say to heart.
2. Secondly – you make them insecure about themselves, they’re jealous of you in some way or they are dissatisfied/unhappy with their own life – making you miserable makes them feel better.
Harsh but true.
The loudest most outwardly confident people are quite often the most insecure and unhappy people. Take a second to have some compassion for how they must be feeling to want to make you feel so bad. What must their life be like for them to want to treat you this way?
I’m not for a second saying you should put up with ‘bullying’ just because they’re having a hard time; not at all. But realising that it’s not about you, its about them, takes some of their power away, making it harder for them to hurt you.
- Next time some banter is going down take a step back and ask ‘Is it likely he/she could fancy me or want my attention?’, or ‘Whats going on for them that’s making them treat me so badly?’ Send some compassion and love their way and release what they say – its not about you – its them.
3. Know yourself
If we constantly adapt our lives to fit in, to make sure we are not picked on or stand out, we never get to know who we truly are.
Each one of us has a purpose for being here in this world at this time – the problem is we forget what it is we are here to do.
What do you love to do? What lights you up? What makes your heart swell? What are you naturally good at? What did you do easily and freely as a child?
We are all unique and celebrating that uniqueness is crucial to being happy and releasing what other people think about you.
What is it you are truly good at? What lights you up? If there were no limits, what would you choose to do with your life. DO THAT, no matter how crazy it seems – do it.
Lastly – Imagine a white light around you, encircling you and protecting you. It only allows love in and out. Imagine this white light around you when you need protection from hurtful words. It’s your energetic seal and once you get practised at imagining it around you, the stronger it will get.
Also try using these affirmations:
“Kindness flows out of me and to me, kindness is all around me.”
“It’s not about me, it’s about them, I am safe.”
“I choose loving and supportive friends – I am worthy”
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