Self care for Empaths, High Sensitives and Modern Females
I’ve put together this blog about ‘self care for an empath, or highly sensitive’, but it’s not exclusive for these kinds of people! I would encourage every female to read this blog wether you think you are HS/Empath or not.
It’s estimated that 20% of the population are Highly Sensitive or Empaths, and surprisingly of that 20% men and women equally make up that number. I think, however, even more people are HS or Empathic and don’t realise it. As adults, they have become excellent ‘hiders’.
I most definitely believe more children are being born Highly Sensitive or Empathic too. I’m reading a great book titled “Highly Sensitive Children” By Dr E Aron, I was drawn to this book because I think my daughter is Highly Sensitive and I want to learn as much as I can about how I can nurture this trait, so she understands it and so she can flourish as a Highly Sensitive Empath from a young age.
Being an empath can be tough. But it can be one of the best things ever.
Learning to protect yourself and your energy is key to being happy, which sounds tricky but it isn’t. Even if you don’t consider yourself an empath or HS, then some of these tips could be excellent for you when you’ve had a busy or stressful week/day/month. I’ve ordered these tips with the practical information first and then the ‘woo-woo’ energy stuff last.
So if you like a bit of angels and weird then read until the end.
So what do I do?
There’s loads of stuff I try to do personally, and this list isn’t the whole story, everyone is different and I’ve found tons of advice on the internet in the past, I would suggest just reading and picking out what fits you best.
So here’s my essential list of how I try to take care of myself, not just as an Empath, but as a human being.
Not over loading yourself.
I get drained and overwhelmed if I find myself in busy places, around a lot of people, new places, negative people or anywhere ‘busy’. I know this about myself and so if I have to go somewhere like this, I make sure I do my energetic protection stuff (see below) and make sure I plan in some rest and down time afterwards (see below).
This might mean the next day I don’t do anything, or I say no to meeting up with people.
If I have to be ‘busy’, I make sure I’m fully aware of how it might affect me – this knowingness makes it less frustrating and confusing when I suddenly feel drained and wiped out, get ill or feel overwhelmed/agitated. This might sound like I’m pre-empting this kind of behaviour – (even to me it does as I type this) – but the more aware I become and the more energetic protection I do, the less I feel the deep drains of being HS and empathic.
I know I am likely to feel drained – wether I think I am going to be or not (sometimes I forget and get so frustrated later on in the day when I feel tired, agitated and drained) – so I protect myself.
It’s so easy in todays society to have a full weekend of over stimulating activities, tiring and draining schedules and never ending to do lists. Because of this, I avoid planning lots of draining activities all together in a short space of time. Me and my family are more productive and happier when we are rested, unstimulated and doing activities we love.
Having a calendar where you can plot all your ‘goings on’ is a great way of seeing balance. Too busy and too much stuff going on? Cancel what you can, don’t do the things you think you ‘should’ be doing and DON’T comprise your sanity for the sake and needs of others. Keep your schedule balanced, with your sanity in mind.
Make time for calm, peace and downtime.
“But I haven’t got time”
Then make time.
There’s no excuses here, even if its a ten minute breathing practice or a mini guided mediation. If I know I have a busy weekend, I will try to keep the following one clear. Or if I have been somewhere particularly draining, like a shopping centre, I try and get out for a walk afterwards, or the following day. When I refer to ‘balance’ in the previous point, this is what I mean, yes, get out and do things, fulfil the commitments you have, but make sure your schedule has balance – make time for downtime, quiet time, rest, peacefulness, being out in nature, unplugging and being WiFi free, a bath, reading a good book or doing something you love.
One of the best ways I protect myself is by being totally aware of how I feel and being on the look out for changes in my energy. If I notice a change, maybe if someone I’m around is negative or moaning etc, and I feel different, then I quickly check in with myself and notice this shift. I say to myself “this is not my energy, I don’t accept it” and let it go, connecting with how I felt before the other energy affected me.
I was quite hard for me to get a grip of this one; I found owning how you ‘feel’ and noticing if this changes is a skill which needs practice, but thats because I spent years and years taking on other peoples moods and energy without knowing what was going on.
Being responsible for my own energy and feelings is how I’m slowly getting my power back. And it’s one of the best tools I’ve learned.
Next time you notice a change in your energy or mood, check in with how you felt before, say to yourself “this is not my energy, I feel *****”, and let it go, realigning with how you feel. It’s hard being around mood hoovers and negative energy, so owning how you feel, really gives you the control and power.
Non-negotiable daily practice. Each morning, if I can, I spend 12 mins doing a guided meditation which I downloaded, if i can’t do it in the morning I do it right after I’ve put my daughter to bed. If I have more time I do my Kryia which takes about 20-30mins, which I learned at the Art of Living course. Sometimes I listen to really long Angel mediations in the bath!
I also try and paint or draw whenever I get a spare bit of time, I class this as mediation too. Any time where I switch off and don’t think about what I should be doing, what I have to do, “what’s next?”, is classed as mediation.
So basically my passions; painting, writing, yoga, mediation, family time in the woods or at the beach. All meditation.
This fills me back up, especially when my energy is low or I feel disconnected, not myself or just plain weird (which other people describe as anxious).
I cannot tell you the massive and profound impact mediation has had on my life. It’s the single thing that I cannot live without. I NEVER thought I had the time and I had the busiest mind EVER. It never switched off and it never shut up, especially when I tried to meditate.
Slowly overtime these thoughts became quieter and easier to let go, I never thought I’d be good at meditating, but now I switch off almost immediately and can let the thoughts go which come into my mind. Download an app, attend a class, try different ones – most importantly – keep at it – it’s life changing.
Sometimes I just have to say no. It sounds harsh and maybe you feel like you couldn’t say no to someone in your life – yet – that’s ok.
But just try it out. I was the biggest ‘yes’ person going, doing anything and everything to please people and follow the crowd, desperately doing anything to fit in. IT WAS EXHAUSTING. I no longer do this and it took a lot of discipline, guts and commitment. It felt so awkward to say no to people, but if it doesn’t feel right or its likely to compromise me, I gracefully decline or say no.
This doesn’t mean I don’t help people out, this is pretty much all I do! I just don’t do what might drain me, what doesn’t feel right or which makes me feel awkward, agitated or uncomfortable. And it doesn’t mean I stay at home alone all day everyday – it just means I try to balance my life as best I can.
Reading and swatting up
Knowledge is power. If I’m honest I used to hate reading and writing. Now its all I do.
Once I bought my first self help book, reading became fun again. I was learning about how to create a better life for myself, not reading some whimsical or fictional story. That kind of stuff just doesn’t interest me. I like real!
There are some amazing books in the world, right now Wayne Dyer’s books are at a reduced price, Louise Hay, Ester and Jerry Hicks, Susan Jeffers also have some amazing self help books. Currently I’m reading ‘The Highly Sensitive Child’ By Dr. E Aron, but any books on High Sensitivity or Empathic personalities will empower you, if you are a HSP or empathic. Self-help books in general are my kind of fun, but if you want to know more about something, the most important thing to do is LEARN.
I’m also fascinated by Archangels and I’m also reading a book called “An Archangels Guide to Ascension” by Diana Cooper, which is FABULOUS for anyone who wants to know more about this amazing topic and how to raise the vibration of the planet.
My friends and family think I’m fussy and OCD about mess. Truth is, I am. I hate clutter and mess, not because I think it dirty necessarily, but because it’s stuff agitates me. Cupboards full of old stuff, papers, crap, clothes I never wear, ‘stuff’, I hate it.
Clear it out, throw it away, let it go.
Notice how your energy changes around people, notice how you feel in someones company. If you sense a significant change then you have two choices; don’t spend time with them or if this isn’t an option, you have to protect yourself and be aware of changes in your energy and apply the points I’ve mentioned previously and which I’m about to.
The woo-woo energetic stuff is especially important here, so read on.
Letting people go can be tough, friends who’ve been around for years might be painful to leave, but if someone isn’t a match with you anymore, you have to accept that and move on with love. Friends outgrow friends, people outgrow people, things change.
Some people you might not be able to ‘let go’ of, and you may have to practice the art of forgiveness and acceptance. This has been one of my biggest challenges, and speaking from experience it takes time, but like I’ve said before, ‘knowledge is power’, and as soon as I learned how to protect my own energy, life around people who I couldn’t move away from, became much easier. I was able to forgive and accept.
Energetic Stuff – the woo woo part!
Firstly I zip up. This was taught to me by my mentor Sally. It’s a simple way to zip up and protect your energy and you do this by using the closed palm of your right hand to draw an imaginary line from your base (pelvic region) to the top of your head 3 times.
I do this before I go out, let people into my house, enter a supermarket, shopping centre or anywhere there is new people or lots of people. I do it espcially if I’m nervous or worried. I might look a bit silly but becomes second nature once you remember to do it.
I reinforce this by asking Archangel Michael to place his blue protective light around me. The Archangels are here willing to help, all you have to do is ask. You don’t have to be religious or belive in God. They aren’t connected to a specific religion either. We all have our own guardian angels, but the Archangels are here to look out for us all. No matter what.
I’m no expert on angels but they each have a specific colour, most (if not all) are linked to a chackra and all have a specific role. For example, Archangel Micheal’s colour is blue, he is linked to the throat chackra and he is espcially here to help protect us.
Asking him to place his blue protective light around you can seal up your energies so others can’t infiltrate yours and deplete your energy or affect your moods. You can also ask for the white light of source to protect you and only allow in love. Imagine a blue and white protective light around you before you start your day or before you enter a situation which might deplete you.
Protective crystals include Lapis Lazuli and Labrodite. I’m currently searching for a perfect necklace with either of these crystals, so I can have a piece of protection around me for when I get caught unaware by people or situations!
I’ve just discovered aura cleansing and bought my first sage stick and found an incense fragrance which doesn’t irritate me!
Wafting a sage stick around myself really has a notible impact if I’ve been around heavy negative energies. I love burning incense too to clear the energy from my home, often after people have been in it.
With the sage stick you simply light it and waft it around your body/aura with the intention of clearing your aura and energy.
Incense the same, I walk around my home with the incense with the intention of clearing any lower or negative energies in my space.
Crystals also can clear the energy in your home, which is something I’m learning more and more about. There is lots of information online about crystals and which ones are cleansing/protecting etc. I learned to place my crystals around my home and ask them to absorb the negative energies, the following morning I would cleanse the crystal by rinsing it under running water and with the intention of washing the negative away down into the waterways for recycling.
I have a massive Himalayan rock salt lamp in my home too. They are great for clearing electromagnetic energies given off by phones, computers and devices. They’re pretty cheap and can be found on amazon and in crystal shops.
Epsom salt baths are my Number 1 favourite way to feel re-balanced and cleansed! Epsom salt can now be found in lots of shops including Boots, online and in healthful shops. Candles, crystals, epsom salt bath and an angel meditation = my perfect cleansing and re-balancing night in.
So, I think that is about it! Woo a long one, thank you for reading. I hope you found it helpful.
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