Bouncing Back – Being Human

People see you as someone who never gives up, but sometimes behind the scenes you have nothing left to give

Even though you work really hard at not giving up

You almost feel programmed to be the wimp who gives up – “This is just who I am..”

You don’t always deal well with challenge or being pushed

You feel small and lacking in some way

Your inner temper tantrums make you red with rage

They come again and again, especially as life keeps throwing you this far-from-smooth, human life.

The bumps keep coming and coming and coming, and your resilience to bounce back is wearing out.

How many more times can you pick yourself up and start again?

Your smile, your faith and your zest for life, wavers and your temper tantrum centre screams “I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!”

Raw and unhinged, you stamp your feet and cry out that it’s not fair.

Its not fair.

So desperate to give up, but knowing that if you give up, there’s no where to go.

There is no going back.

You have to find that strength from somewhere, anywhere.

You reach deeper than you have ever had to before.

You stand up, dust yourself down and reach for the glimmer of hope.

~ ~  ~ ~ ~

2018 for me was going to be this awesome year where I went out and I got.

But right from the start I was hit with bump in the road after bump in the road. Challnege after challenge. Slap in the face after slap in the face.

I lost my faith time and time again. It brought me to my knees. At times I felt like not carrying on. At all.

My bounce almost left me.

There were times where if someone had given me a way out I would have snatched their hand off.

So what do you do when you face a challenge and you giving up isn’t an option? Where is there to go?

There was no where to go – I sat with my feelings, my challenges and my deepest depths and I spoke to her.

I learned quickly that I had to really, really sit with and accept where I was. I found solace in witnessing all these parts of me and I didn’t try to gloss over them or sweep them under the carpet.
I gave her space. The human and very real part of me – I gave her space to be heard and listened to.

All the tantrums and all the pain. All the weakness and desperation. All the parts of me that just wanted to give up and felt so small.

I did a lot of sitting. And crying.

I learned by listening to these parts of me that I could release them, I sat and felt them melt away, cradled in self compassion forgiveness. 

Endless self compassion and forgiveness. 

I forgave myself.

I forgave my humaness. I forgave myself for wanting to give up and for buying into the belief I did something wrong. I forgave myself for judging myself…..for everything.

I learned that I’m human. Gloriously, messy and beautiful.

Divine and dense.
Up and down.
Light and dark.
Strong and delicate.
Powerful and vunerable.
Hopeful and despondent.
Resilient and fragile.

All the contrasts.

They make me. They make you too.

We are human.

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