F.E.A.R. Why it has the ability to stop you and what you can do about it.
Fear of success, fear of failure, fear of the dark, dogs, flying, falling, spiders, fear of looking stupid, being made fun of, being left out, missing out, dying, shining, living, loving, happiness, getting your happily ever after and then not being happy…. Fear Fear Fear.
It crates stagnancy. Stuck-ness. It paralyses. It freezes. It stops us statue-still in our tracks. It makes us think our deepest dreams are just that… dreams.
And dreams should be forgotten. Ignored.
It evokes panic. It creates disappointment, frustration, anger and makes you feel powerless – whatever you’re scared of.
Fear is such a passionate topic for me because I spent most of my entire life scared – scared of what people thought of me, missing out, not doing as well as other people, not having enough money, failing, succeeding, frogs.. you name it, I have been scared of it. And the more and more I do this, the more and more young girls I come across who are also scared – but whereas my fear just kept me small, their fear seems to be controlling their lives and evoking panic and extreme anxiety.
Why does fear do this?
Why does fear have so much power?
1. Firstly, fear is a primal instinct. Programmed into us to keep us safe long, long ago, when we needed to be safe to survive; safe from predators, life threatening situations and rival cavemen.
2. Secondly, fear will be heard over every other emotion or signal. And fear is relentless…fear won’t subside or go away until the brain perceives the “danger” has gone.
3. And lastly and possibly most importantly, fear has no thermostat. If you (your brain) think or perceive something to be dangerous, whatever the danger is, (whether its looking foolish to being seriously injured) it will evoke the same response. The fight or flight response will be triggered whether you’re being chased by an axe man or faced with something which you have developed a fear of; for example doing a presentation, an exam or being in large group. In today’s society, we have access to more information and opinions from other people and sources than EVER before. Information and stimulation OVERLOAD seems to be causing more and more people to suffer with the side effects of being in constant fight or flight mode. (See my blog about stress and how EFT can help calm F or F here)
And while this can be exhilarating for some people, it can be debilitating for others.
The brain and mind perceive danger to be so painful, that whatever the danger is, it must be avoided at all costs. Even if it’s not life threatening. Que panic attacks, stress, giving up and settling for a quiet mundane life – one where you mull through day to day, never really reaching or fulfilling any part of who you are. Letting fear rule your life experiences.
Whether that’s speaking in public, being around large groups of people, quiting your job, choosing a career which ‘people’ don’t approve of, flying, spiders or the endless list of fears I could reel off. Your brain tells you to avoid it at all costs, whether it’s life threatening or not. Some people go through life avoiding situations which aren’t life threatening, because their brains and minds perceive that situation to be dangerous and so for them; that non life threatening situation becomes a full on threat and danger, and thus is avoided at all costs.
How can we move past fear?
I don’t think there is one thing I can attribute to getting over my fear of practically everything – but a culmination of a range of practises.
1. Firstly EFT! EFT moved energetic and emotional blocks for me on a big scale. Whatever you’re into, EFT is scientifically proven to reduce the activity of the amygdala (the part responsible for F or F) and in turn, calms its activity. I’m no longer scared of frogs, that’s for sure! See my earlier blog posts for more on this.
2. Law of attraction. Cause and effect. What you think about, you bring about. The teachings of Abraham Hicks was life changing for me – I saw how my thoughts of lack, (always worrying that I wouldn’t have enough) were actually causing my financial situation. I ordered and bought the Law of attraction CDs and listened to these in my car for about a year! As soon as I started changing my thoughts and imagining my ideal life – things started to change. The “law of attraction” was and is an integral part of my daily life. I try my best to spend as much time as I can imagining what I want next and ‘manifesting’ it. Cannot recommend this highly enough!
3. Practising gratitude daily, helped with my Law of Attraction and manifesting.
4. Knowing that fear is a primal instinct helped me massively. I’m able to tell my brain that its ok to be scared – and thank it for keeping me safe, but I tell it, this situation isn’t as scary as it seems and I would like it to go away! Sometimes I tap while speaking to myself in this way. Remembering I’M the one in control – NOT my body!
5. Crystals and Feng Sui – citrine in the back left corner of your home is meant to bring financial prosperity. May sound totally crazy, but little things like this help me and evoke belief that everything will be ok.
6. Angels. OK… going totally cray now. I love Arch Angels and Doreen Virtue has a fantastic webpage and Facebook page where you can find an abundance of information about the AA’s. Angel card readings have also been lovely. AA Gabriel is my favourite angel right now.
7. I once read a quote which said: “To overcome self-doubt, we have to acknowledge our venerability (fear) but act with confidence.” And so I try my best to follow this at all times. When something scares me, like a situation or the result of what might happen as a result of XYZ, I say to my self: “Ok fear, whats really going on here? why is this scaring me so much?” Listening to the answers from my inner voice usually allows me to rationalise the fear. Doing a Warrior pose (video link) whilst doing this and making myself feel really strong helps move the feelings of fear!
8. Not giving a s*it what people think! It’s quite an eye opening thing this. I know exactly who I can trust and who’s got my back – everyone else simply doesn’t matter. If I find my self hung up on one person, I usually tap it out until the feelings subside and then carry on. It’s also interesting who gets in touch with you – who’s happy to see you happy once you move through fear and do something life changing!
The ones who don’t praise you, support you and cheer you on are simply not ready to see you shine brighter than them. Thats not your fault, its their issue. One lasting quote from my Mentor which I will always remember ~ “Its none of your business what other people think of you!” And its NOT! Don’t waste your life worrying about what other people think. Who cares?! Let Karma – or Law Of Attraction deal with them. I know what I think about me and what my friends and family think of me – no one else matters!
9. Meditation. Mediation brings peace and calm on an enormous scale. Meditation now moves me inside, where I can hear my inner voice and when I need help or in a fearful situation, I can ask for guidance from my inner voice and I get it. Trusting that it will all be ok and that we are all always looked after. Noticing the physical cues like the burn I get in my chest or the avoidance or procrastination I do when Im scared of completing something, helps me know what I’m really scared of, so I can deal with it.
10. Realising and accepting not every day will be Rosy and carefree! Life is a roller coaster – you just gotta ride it! (This Ronan Keating Lyric is rolling around in my head!) and it is. Up days, down days, middle of the road average days, PJ days, busy days, totally knackering, stressful full-on days, picnic days, family days, alone days, boring days, adventure days. Take them all. Accept them all. I’d love to spend every waking moment nurturing my adventure seeking soul, but if i did, I’d be shattered and probably end up very bored! I’d also love to fill up my artistic soul everyday – but if I did I’d end up with a lack of inspiration, feel frustrated and hate it. Accept that each day will be different and there are no SHOULDS. Never feeling like you should be doing something else. Just be here now.
“Someone once called me fearless, I’m not fearless, I just won’t allow fear to stop me!”
I pulled this quote out of a magazine and stuck it right in the centre of my 2015 vision board. No idea why. But it seems to be the theme of 2015 for me! Fear is such a debilitating emotion and more and more young girls are allowing fear to stop them. I’m so passionate about this – I want to help millions of young females move past their fears so that they can shine brightly and light up the world!
Please get in touch if you’d like to know anything about dealing with your fears xx
Love and Light