Saturday Night Goddess

You weep when reality TV “stars” realise how famous they are, when they realise how their lives have changed or that they’re loved for just being themselves.

Tears literally leak out of your f*cking eyes when you watch their reunions, triumphs or you witness them realise their dreams.

This happens, not because you’re a weak, soppy, or pathetic; but because you’re human, and the part of them that is real and exposed is familliar to you.

It touches and moves through the part of you that connects with them.

You happy cry when the geeky girl, who’s dreamed of being a singer all her 16 years gets told YES by 4 judges, and runs screaming to her family, wet with tears too, and embraces them; the granddad who’s backed the girl all her life, sheds his first tears in about 40 years.

Again you weep, not because your weak, but because you’re strong; strong and grounded in your human emotions, connecting with the strong, messy and exposed, emotional people on the TV who you so closely relate to, because they feel, just like you feel.

You’re emotional and emotive.

You’re soppy and a sucker for the human race.

You love to see people do well.

You love watching people realise their dreams.

You allow those tears to fall, and it feels good to let big, wet, salty tears stream down your face and soak your Saturday night PJs.

Your insides glow with an indescribable feeling of connection and emotion.

You are f*cking glorious. Geeky, glorious, messy, emotional and just what the world needs.

You are a (Saturday night, stay at home) Goddess.

You’re all of it.

You. Are. Human.

For many years I was shamed into thinking there must be something wrong with me because I couldn’t ‘control’ my empathic emotions, especially when connecting to other human beings. And it has been a long old road to accept fully who I am, how deeply I feel and how I cry…at most things!

Expressing emotions was ‘weird’ … during my teens and young adult life it was simply not acceptable to be emotional, cry at the TV, show jubilation or champion another human. But suppressing these emotions and my natural, human instinct to connect and feel empathy with other humans (even if they were a stranger) caused me to be so out of balance – ashamed of who I was, oodles of feeling bottled up inside.

It kind of made me into a ticking time bomb of emotions – you never knew when I was going to explode, but when I did, you needed to be WELL CLEAR.

This lasted into my early 20’s, then my late 20’s …

Then came EFT, self-acceptance and breath work – tools and techniques that calmed my inner storm and allowed me to accept the parts of me that had been shamed into silence, and be able to express and release what was going on inside.

I still get the occasional eye roll from my husband when I’m crying with the star baker on week 1 of Great British Bake Off, but I’m not ashamed. No longer ashamed of my very real and human ability to connect.

How about you? Have you had an experience of being shamed from being empathic? Which is your most tear jerking show?  Were you able to express your emotions as a child/teen/young adult? How has this shaped how you view yourself now? I’d love to hear your thoughts…

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